A. Sorry
B. You already know that its chaos. Chaos plus a enough stuff to fill a U-Haul.
Going anywhere with Jasper requires an empty van, a lot of stuff and planning. I own almost every Thirty-One bag possible and use most of then to go on even the smallest of trips. It could be a one day trip or a 5 day trip and we still have to take the entire house. The extra days only mean extra food supplies and clothes.
So, packing only myself for this trip out to California for ABM Basic Training Segment 2 was very confusing and easy. The first time I came out here it was not easy. I was too worried about what to bring and afraid to look sloppy that I over packed, big time. So when I arrived at the hotel yesterday and had to unpack, and was done in just a few minutes I was a little sad. Even though its a giant pain the rear and difficult to travel with Jasper, I want the little turkey here. I even want Tempe here. She is 100 shades of crazy right now, but oh my is it fun. She told me I had to take a bus to California because she did not want me to take a plane with wings, she wanted me to take a bus with wheels. Why? So I can sing Wheels on the Bus, of course.
In Ft Wayne after ABM
I know that I am out here for him, to learn as much as I can so I can do ABM with him at home so that we don't have to make our monthly trips to Ft. Wayne. But that is IMPOSSIBLE to explain to him and Tempe at this point. All they know is that mommy is gone. Even though my mom is there to sufficiently overfeed Tempe and Tammy and I have asked for people to come help my mom with all the lifting and daily craziness, all Jasper knows is that Mommy (and Daddy) are not there.
Tammy, Jaspers nurse of over 2 years, told me about how arriving at school went and I almost wanted to drop it all and go home. I know that I cant, but damn, I want to. We have a normal routine that consists of hopping in the car around 7:15, cruising through Starbucks, driving 30 miles north, unloading his walker, unloading the wheelchair with all the stuff needed for the day, and then I help Jasper use his walker to go up the ramp for school. Once we get up there, he hugs me and I go back to the car, he heads in to the building and stops to look out the door to watch me drive around the circle. Well, none of that happened yesterday, boy did it throw him off. I HATE THAT!!! I need to clone myself. Hurting that boys feelings is quite possibly the worst thing in the world. Really, it is. Making Jasper cry is like kicking your grandma in the face, you just don't do it. There is no way explain it to him. Not really. Ryan was on Skype the other day for the first time and Jasper about went nuts! He was so excited that I had trouble getting him to sleep. Explaining why I am out here to a deaf five year old, with minimal communication skills is impossible. Explaining why daddy does what he does is impossible. We just have to do it and hope that one day we will sit down at our kitchen table when he is in his 20's and talk(or sign) about all this like it is was nothing.
In some aspects it is nothing. We don't think twice about doing anything it takes to make his life better. To give him every opportunity to be the Jasper he wants to be. Not the Jasper I want, or Ryan wants. The Jasper he wants to be. That one was a hard one to learn. For us that means Ryan is gone a lot, and I have to do my best to hold down the fort and manage the circus.
I guess if i found my magical, mythical handbook and referenced "how to be away", it would just tell me to..
A. Plan, plan, plan
B. Organize things for the people doing your job while you am gone
C. Suck it up, buttercup. Its what you have to do and you know it.
More from my adventures in Cali in a day or so....
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