Today Sucked and I can't find my handbook. You know, the one that tells me how the hell I am supposed to be a mom. The mom to my dear Jasper. Most of you reading this know about Jasper and the journey that has brought us to actually make it 5 years, with no blanking, blanking handbook. No solid direction, just a gut feeling and a lot of exploring. I guess this is going to be my way of writing my own very special "how to raise and kid that is not like all the other kids". Not a super cool hipster kid, a kid that is different because of some crappy accident at birth, or a stroke or whatever it is that makes them not fit with the class. There are all sorts of book on different special needs, but there are no books for Jasper. It is funny how many people tell I should write a book. Even more funny if they really know how awful my grammar and writing skills truly are. But after today, I realized that I need to write so that the are other moms and dads of super blanking awesome kids with special needs that feel as alone as I do that maybe they will know that they are not alone. That Ryan and I live our entire life trying to find a way to make it easier. Easier for Jasper, easier for ourselves, and easier for the next in line trying to figure out which way is up and who to fight with to make a difference in your kids life. The fight is never-ending. And it sucks. A lot. I could write one thousand things today, but for now I will just stick to why today sucked. Today sucked because you never know who thinks your crazy. Having a kid that is non verbal is a tricky deal. I get him, but very few other people do and I am pretty sure he likes it this way because he will do things for me at home and REFUSE to do them at school. So... they all think I am crazy. Crazy and that mom that thinks that their kid is smarter than he really is. No really, he is smart, and I may be crazy, but he is smart. So where do you put a kid in public school that is deaf, has CP and is just now learning to learn? Well, it looks like he does not know enough sign and be on the same intellectual level as the other kindergartners so needs to move schools again where he will be in a classroom where there is not the same level of sign instruction. SO HOW IS HE GOING TO LEARN SIGN......?????? ARG!! I want to rant on and gripe more, but my brain is toast. I also want a chicken pot pie from Bloomingfoods, my husband home so we can cry together and Channing Tatum doing the Magic Mike dance in my living room. Not all at once, that would be a mess. More later when I can quit crying.